1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,400 Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,000 Dingy castles, daring knights 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,800 Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians 4 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,200 Punishment from ancient times 5 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,040 Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless 6 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,040 Mean and measly Middle Ages 7 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,760 8 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,280 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,240 10 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,600 11 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:31,560 12 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,200 Horrible Histories presents... 13 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,640 Home sweet home! 14 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,560 Of course, your home's probably different to mine. 15 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,440 TOILET FLUSHES Ugh! It'll certainly smell better. 16 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,520 And I expect now and again you get visitors. 17 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,600 I don't get many down here. 18 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,640 I mean, I do get the odd visitor. 19 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:54,200 Then, they'd have to be odd to visit someone in a sewer! 20 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,600 DRUM STING Heh, heh, heh. Anyway, back when she 21 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:01,040 was Queen, Elizabeth I liked to visit people. 22 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:04,320 She'd go and stay in other people's homes all over the country 23 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:09,120 during the summer, whether they wanted her there or not. Mm-mm. 24 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,360 Queen Elizabeth is here. 25 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,920 You are honoured with a visit on her seasonal tour of the country. 26 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,560 Ah, she's here. 27 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,280 Don't answer the door! Ugh! Ahh! Gah! 28 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,240 What are you doing? It's the Queen! Yes. 29 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,080 We can't let her stay with us. Why not? 30 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:27,320 Because I have just learned that Sir Robert Dudley nearly went 31 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,920 bankrupt when she stayed with him. 32 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:32,440 He put on fireworks, hunting, dancing, and he had to build 33 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,000 her her own pleasure gardens and apartments. 34 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,800 Her own apartments? Yes! She stayed for nearly three weeks. 35 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,400 Well, we've already built our extension. 36 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,600 We may as well use it. Mm-mm. No, don't! 37 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,480 OBJECTS BREAKING Oh. Excuse me? The Queen is here 38 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,400 and she has been waiting a while now. 39 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,440 No, no, no. No, no. No! Gahhh! 40 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,160 The Queen has 300 courtiers. 41 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,400 We simply can't afford to have them stay. 42 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:58,080 But if the Queen enjoys her stay, it could open some doors for us. 43 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,520 Yes, she'll stay even longer and it'll open the doors 44 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,560 to the debtors' prison! 45 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,240 It's...the...Queen! Oww! OBJECTS BREAKING 46 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,280 We can't just leave her outside! 47 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,680 Ahh! Don't! Yah! 48 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:08,840 Ahh! Ahh! 49 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,840 She stole all of Sir John Puckering's silverware. 50 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,040 OBJECTS BREAKING, HE GRUNTS 51 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,760 Ooh! 52 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,200 Do you submit? I yield. OK! 53 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,040 RELIEVED: Ahh. Ahh! 54 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,560 Tell them it's me. It's me! No, the Queen! Oh, it's the Queen! Oh. 55 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,680 If we don't let her in, we could be accused of treason. 56 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,240 And that could mean she cuts off our... Privileges?! 57 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,600 No, heads. 58 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:35,920 Yeah, that is way worse. 59 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,560 They clearly haven't heard us. You'll just have to break the door down. 60 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,440 I need a royal wee. Come on! 61 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:45,000 OK, fine. I suppose it's not for long. 62 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,800 Right. It can't be that bad. 63 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,760 Open up in the name of the Queeeee... 64 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:54,080 CRASH Oww. Ooh, what lovely silverware. 65 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,200 Put it in the bag. 66 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,360 Now, where am I sleeping? 67 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,280 WHISPERS: Put that back! 68 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,840 Elsie, there will be a lot of important guests and tradespeople 69 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,960 for the ball, so your duties as maid 70 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,840 have been extended today. Yes, sir. Mm-mm. Thank you, sir. 71 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,400 Where do you want these, sir? 72 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,080 In the dining room, Jones, and please be careful not to... 73 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,480 Whoa! Whoa. PLATES CRASH, CAT MEOWS 74 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,360 Clear it up, Jones! There's much to do today. 75 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,600 Give us a second. Now, as head butler, 76 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,400 I shall be dealing with any visitors at the door, 77 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,520 but you should learn the different knocks in case I'm unavailable. 78 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,720 Yes, sir. S-Sorry, sir, did you say different knocks? 79 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,560 Yes, I would leave it with Jones, the under-butler, but he gets a bit 80 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,280 flustered answering the door. 81 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,920 I just spotted this fellow trying to push his way through the wall. 82 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,920 When I grabbed him, his head fell off. 83 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,400 As you can see, he's not the shiniest of spoons 84 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,080 in the cutlery drawer. 85 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:51,040 Now, the number, the volume and rhythm of the knocks 86 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,720 is an established system. 87 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,320 I mean, how else would you know who's on the other side? 88 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,600 Perhaps you could open the door, sir. 89 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,680 P-Please. Ha, ha. You've got a lot to learn. 90 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,960 One must know who's there, so one knows how quickly 91 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,920 to open the door and in what manner. Now, pay attention. 92 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:14,120 One light knock is for tradesmen, servants or beggars. 93 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,280 Two knocks is for someone here on business. 94 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,600 Two for on business. 95 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,280 Three knocks is for the master 96 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,800 of the house or frequent visitors. 97 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,760 It's very complicated, isn't it, sir? 98 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,440 FOUR KNOCKS ON TABLE Four knocks is for someone 99 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,360 of high standing in society, but below the nobility. 100 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,800 EIGHT KNOCKS ON TABLE 101 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,880 JONES WHIMPERS Four firm knocks twice 102 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,520 for lord or lady. 103 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,080 Lord or lady. Yes, Elsie. Oh, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. 104 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,160 I mean, as long as I get it vaguely right. 105 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:49,360 REVERBERATING: No! 106 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,400 Precision is everything. 107 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,760 A servant will be instantly dismissed 108 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:54,920 if they get it wrong, Elsie. 109 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,360 ONE KNOCK Perfect test, a single knock. 110 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,640 TWO KNOCKS Oh, two knocks! A... A businessman. 111 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,560 THREE KNOCKS The Master's home. 112 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,520 EIGHT KNOCKS Two groups of four. 113 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,840 A baron or an earl. 114 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:12,200 NINE KNOCKS Ooh! An earl with the postman. 115 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,240 15 KNOCKS 116 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,600 41 milkmen and a woodpecker? There can only be one explanation. 117 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,920 The King himself is here! 118 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,520 HE CRIES OUT 119 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,600 Your Majesty. 120 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,320 Um... Sir? Oh! 121 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,200 Hope I... Hope I didn't disturb you, sir. 122 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,600 I was just trying to fix the knocker. Jones! 123 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,480 DOG WHIMPERS, BARKS 124 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,280 Protecting your home is important, 125 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,640 and we Georgians loved a bit of home security. 126 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,520 In fact, we even had a time of day called "shutting in". 127 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,800 That was the time between sunset and bedtime 128 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,160 when we'd lock up the house. 129 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:52,880 But tell me, which of these things did we actually do at night-time 130 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,440 to keep our house secure? 131 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,480 Did we... 132 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,720 The answer is... 133 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:11,120 ..A, B AND C. I told you we loved a bit of home security. 134 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,000 Isn't that right, John? 135 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,840 Yes, ma'am. We did. 136 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:18,120 Are we looking secure, John? I have no idea, ma'am. 137 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,240 All I can see is a bit of an old door and some carpet. 138 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,120 Any chance of a pillow? Shh! 139 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,360 WHISPERS: You're supposed to be a silent alarm. Ah. 140 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:31,200 During King James I's reign, people could get some seriously 141 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:35,200 unwanted guests in their homes in the form of priest hunters. 142 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,960 The King had banned practising Catholicism, so people went 143 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,960 to great lengths to hide their Catholic belongings and even 144 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,040 priests, like me, inside their homes. KNOCK ON DOOR 145 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,120 WHISPERS: Oh, no! The priest hunters are here. Hide! 146 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,000 Pretend you didn't see me. 147 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,880 PRIEST GASPS Miss Vaux, since the Catholic plot 148 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,120 to kill the King, it's become more important than ever 149 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,880 for we priest hunters to hunt for hidden priests. 150 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,440 PRIEST GASPS Well, you won't find any Catholic 151 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,520 priests hiding in my home. Ooh. 152 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,120 My sisters and I are law-abiding Protestant folk. 153 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,160 Ahem. 154 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,600 We even have a Protestant prayer book on the shelf. 155 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,920 HE GASPS, SHE GASPS 156 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:18,280 Please allow me to show you any part of the house other than this. 157 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,640 That was close. 158 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,120 I think I soiled my robes. Eugh. 159 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,520 CANDLESTICK PRIEST: Oh! 160 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,240 The priests have all been ordered 161 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,280 out of the country... SHE GASPS, PRIEST GROANS 162 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,360 ..but I think there may be one or two left. 163 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,120 It's so hard to believe! Oh. 164 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,720 Well, all this searching 165 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,720 must be tiring. Why don't we... 166 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,400 ..sit here and light the fire? 167 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,800 No! No! Ooh. 168 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,080 I think I heard a priest. 169 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,320 What? Where? There. Under the creaky floorboard. 170 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,760 Hmm. WHISPERS: Go, go! 171 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,560 PRIEST GROANS, ANNE GASPS 172 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,240 There are little priesties hiding 173 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,200 in this house. I can feel it. 174 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,120 Methinks it's time for a change of tack. 175 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,800 CLEARS THROAT All right. Well, that's it. 176 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,360 Looks like there are no priests or Catholics here after all, 177 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:09,160 so I'll leave. Bye for now. 178 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:12,960 I guess if there's anyone hiding, it'll be safe to come out 179 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,960 when they hear the door shut. 180 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,240 Don't! Hmm? 181 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,000 Aha! CAT MEOWS 182 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,760 Oh. Well, I guess that settles it. 183 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,680 Anne Vaux, I clear you of suspicion. 184 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,880 Quite right, too. SHE LAUGHS 185 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,040 SHE SIGHS Now, which is the way out? 186 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,440 Down the stairs to the left. 187 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,760 Uhh... Oh! Thanks. That's very helpful. 188 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,800 SHE GROWLS 189 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,080 Welcome to my favourite place in the home... 190 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,160 TOILET FLUSHES ..the bathroom. 191 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,040 Heh, heh, heh. Bathrooms are a place 192 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,840 where amazing things can happen. 193 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,400 HE FARTS Ooh! Heh, no. Not that. 194 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,560 I mean, with bathroom innovations. 195 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:56,440 Famous author Charles Dickens was a big fan of home modernisation 196 00:08:56,440 --> 00:09:00,600 and actually had a new bit of technology installed in his bathroom. 197 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,920 Mind you, his family weren't so sure about it. 198 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,240 SOMEONE SCREAMS 199 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,200 METAL CLINKS Mother. 200 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,960 It's happening again. 201 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,200 He promised we were free of it. MARY GASPS 202 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,680 SOMEONE SCREAMS 203 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:23,280 My God . W-We must. It's the only way. 204 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:26,600 CLINKING CONTINUES It's like it's in the walls. 205 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,560 It has to end, Mary. 206 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,240 It has to end! 207 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,600 UNSTEADILY: Ohh... 208 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,120 NARRATOR: Starring acclaimed author, Charles Dickens. 209 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,320 HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMS 210 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,520 Hello, dears! Just having a shower. MARY GASPS 211 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,280 Though I do wish 212 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,480 you would stop calling it that. It's just a shower. 213 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,960 HE YELPS Oh! A bit chilly. Hah. 214 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,320 Well, better freezing cold 215 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,680 than pleasantly warm. 216 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,520 Daddy, no. 217 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,200 Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 218 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,440 We're so lucky to be one of the first houses in London 219 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:05,720 to have a shower. 220 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,480 It's the noise... 221 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,920 SHRIEKING: Whew! ..and the screaming. 222 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,840 Yeah, the screaming's actually really annoying, Dad. 223 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:16,200 There is no shower like the demon. That is my creed. 224 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,760 There is but one sea, and the demon is its showerer. 225 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:23,160 BOTH: Ahh! No. Stop it! No, no! THEY YELP 226 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,680 In the shower, 227 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:28,080 everyone will hear you scream. Ah! Ho-ho! 228 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,480 Ahh, oh! KING FARTS 229 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,760 KING MOANS Really doesn't want to shift today. 230 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,840 I said... Yes, I heard, Your Majesty. Pff. 231 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,280 HIGH-PITCHED FART Oh, ah! It's just air. 232 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,040 Ugh, it's all that meat I ate. 233 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,960 Perhaps the new cushion is affecting your... 234 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,240 KING FARTS LOUDLY Oh. Oh! 235 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,440 ..performance, Majesty. 236 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,360 KING CONTINUES FARTING Don't think so, Norris. Huh! 237 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,360 This swansdown toilet cushion 238 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,320 is super soft, like pooing through a cloud. 239 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,360 KING FARTS AND GIGGLES You should get one fitted 240 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,480 to your private toilet. I don't have a private toilet, 241 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,760 Your Majesty. Ha, ha, ha! KING FARTS 242 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,760 Oh, I forgot. 243 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:09,840 I have a private toilet 244 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,960 because I'm the King and you... KING FARTS 245 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,000 What is your job again? 246 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,680 I'm Groom of the Stool, Your Majesty. 247 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,360 I'm responsible for your personal hygiene and... 248 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,840 KING FARTS ..toilet. 249 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,120 Yeah, well, you're not doing a very good job, are you? 250 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,640 KING FARTS LOUDLY It's still stuck! 251 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,280 Why don't you just try and relax, Your Majesty? 252 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,160 Think of something that calms you. 253 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,120 Where do people like you go to the... KING FARTS 254 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,800 ..toilet? Well, many of the courtiers and servers simply use 255 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,120 the Great House of Easement, which can seat up to 14. 256 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,040 KING FARTS What, that big, stinky block 257 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,480 all the way down by the moat? 258 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,240 Yes, Your Majesty. 259 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,280 What do you do when you just need a tinkle? 260 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,080 Oh, many just tinkle against a wall. 261 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,240 Yes, I've heard about that. 262 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,280 It's a disgusting practice. KING FARTS LOUDLY 263 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,280 I've had my people draw crosses on the walls. 264 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,720 No-one would pee on a religious symbol. 265 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,640 Oh, those are religious crosses! 266 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,520 I thought they were just targets to aim for 267 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,800 when you... Well, they're not. You know, like in archery. 268 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,240 Archery! KING POOS 269 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:13,000 Ah! Ohhhh. I think that shifted it, Norris. 270 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,520 I never feel more relaxed 271 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,520 than when I'm down on the archery range. 272 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,400 KING FARTS Now, good man. OK. Wipey, wipey. 273 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,880 And be thorough. This archer's taken a wide aim. 274 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:25,760 Is something the matter, Norris? 275 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,960 I mean, you can quit this job whenever you'd like. 276 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,080 On the contrary, Your Majesty. 277 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,520 HE CHUCKLES This is one of the most sought after 278 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,120 jobs in the kingdom. 279 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:37,320 Personal time with our King is rare and precious. 280 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,160 True. It's why everyone likes playing tennis with me, too. 281 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,280 KING FARTS Oh. I think tennis might work too, 282 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,520 Norris. Henry to serve! KING POOS 283 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:47,880 My word. 284 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,920 Ohhhhh... KING FARTS 285 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,320 Ooh. 286 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,200 After you've finished in the bathroom, it should be time to go 287 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,840 to bed and chillax. 288 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,520 But bedtime hasn't always been relaxing. 289 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,760 There were times in history when not only did you have to share your bed 290 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,400 with the rest of the family, you sometimes had to bunk-up 291 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,520 with passing strangers too. 292 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:10,280 And that meant a strict set of rules or bed etiquette. 293 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,640 OTHERS: Go back to bed! 294 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:12,680 Sorry. 295 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,120 Goodnight, Husband. Goodnight, Wife. 296 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:23,960 Goodnight, English tailor who we just met this afternoon. 297 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,600 Can I just say, I really appreciate you guys letting me stay in your bed 298 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,280 while I'm passing through your village. 299 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,400 Oh. Ho-ho! Don't mention it! 300 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,520 In this family, we believe in bed etiquette. Absolutely. 301 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,320 I love a good pig. Hmm? Huh? 302 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,880 That's what we call sleeping in a bed with one or more people, 303 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,320 in England - pigging. 304 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,000 Oh! Oh, right. PIG SQUEALS 305 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,160 Oh. I see you have a guard pig. 306 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,960 That should keep us safe. Oh, yes. 307 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,640 She protects us from thieves 308 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,600 and keeps us warm. Fair enough. 309 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,120 Well, goodnight. 310 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,520 PIG SQUEALS Mother, Father, 311 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,360 I'm staying in the village tonight. Any chance I can sleep here? 312 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,160 BOTH SIGH Fine, Son. 313 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,160 You get up and let our son get in between you and I. What? 314 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,400 Can't he just go on the end? Certainly not. 315 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,160 Around here, we have a strict order to sharing a bed. 316 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,160 A stranger is closest to the door, 317 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,400 then goes the sons in order of age, 318 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,840 and the father and the mother. 319 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,320 In this family, we adhere to bed etiquette. 320 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,200 Bed etiquette. Bed Etiquette. 321 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,720 BOTH: Goodnight. 322 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,360 DOOR OPENS, PIG SQUEALS Mother, Father, 323 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,720 is there room in here for one more? Oh, OK. Everybody out. 324 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,600 W-Wait! Can't she just go between me and your son? 325 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,600 Certainly not. Oh, no, no, no! 326 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,680 And the daughter. 327 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,680 Daughters go behind the mother in order of age, 328 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,480 in the position furthest from the door. 329 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,400 It's basic bad etiquette. Bed etiquette. 330 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,440 CHILDREN: Bed etiquette. 331 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,440 Please tell me you only have two children. 332 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,120 Oh, no. We have another. 333 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,600 She's away working in a mill in Dublin. Oh, yeah. 334 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,320 Goodnight. Goodnight. 335 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,560 DOOR OPENS, PIG SQUEALS 336 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:54,280 Oh. Guess who's mill closed down? I need a place to stay. 337 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,000 Yes, yes. Bed etiquette. OTHERS: Bed etiquette. 338 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,240 THEY CHATTER 339 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:02,080 Here we are. Here we go. Close it up. 340 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,440 Cosy. Goodnight, Mother. 341 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,680 Goodnight, Father. 342 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:12,360 TAILOR FARTS Oh, terribly sorry. 343 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,520 What does the bed etiquette say about that? 344 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,320 Nothing. Bad etiquette. 345 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,720 OTHERS: Bad etiquette! 346 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,200 Oh, what have you been eating, Tailor? 347 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:25,320 I suppose that's one way of keeping the bed warm. Heh, heh, heh. 348 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:29,880 In the earliest homes, people kept some weird stuff under their beds. 349 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:33,040 And I'm not talking about those smelly socks and manky old bowls 350 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,400 of half-eaten cereal you've got under yours. 351 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,520 There are some beds even I wouldn't want to look under. 352 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,160 A place called Catalhoyuk in modern-day Turkey was one of the 353 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,320 first mass settlements in the world where lots of people lived together 354 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,720 in one place. And the houses back then had a few 355 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,680 surprising design features. Mm-mm. 356 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,360 This place is amazing. 357 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,120 I've never seen anything like it. 358 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,640 Aw, here we go again. 359 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:00,880 More tourists. 360 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,960 So many houses! But how do you get in? 361 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,840 And three, two, one... 362 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,720 CRASH Ahh! Ow. Make yourself at home. 363 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,280 Sorry about that. 364 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,800 You'll never guess what happened. 365 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:13,920 You live in the country. 366 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,840 You heard of a new thing called a town, 367 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,680 so you decided to come and have a look. 368 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,720 You found the houses, but you couldn't find the door, 369 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,560 so you climbed to the top of the roof to get a better look. 370 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,000 Then you fell through a hole. Oh, wow. Good guess. 371 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,440 Look, it's very simple. 372 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,640 We use the holes in the roof to get in and out of our homes. 373 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,400 We use the ladder, but falling through works too. 374 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,320 Oh, this town thing of yours is amazing. 375 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,800 5,000 people or more all... 376 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,560 Oowaaah, skull! 377 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,800 Please don't kill me. I'm not going to kill you. 378 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,200 I'm just making the bed. 379 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,040 Out of skulls? O-O-OK. 380 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,240 I'm just going to say goodbye. The bed isn't made of skulls! 381 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,000 We just bury the skulls underneath, 382 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,400 along with the bodies. 383 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:52,840 Why are there bodies under the bed? 384 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,480 You wouldn't want to just leave them lying 385 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,400 around, would you? R-Right, yeah. 386 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,640 We also stick skulls in the hall. Ah! 387 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,480 It's nice to have something cheery to look at. 388 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,320 Well, it's certainly grinning. 389 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,720 H-Have you not thought about just bashing a hole in the wall? 390 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,600 Then you could see outside! Once we accidentally bashed a hole 391 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,440 into the wall. But the houses are so packed together, 392 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,080 you just see the neighbours. Can you please keep the noise down? 393 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,560 I can barely hear myself bury bodies under the floor. 394 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,800 Erm, you have a lovely town! Right, 395 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,520 I'm going to go and find my friend. 396 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,280 CRASH Whoooa... Ooh! Ooh, here he is! 397 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,960 All right. We've had enough of this. 398 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,320 We're moving. SHE GRUNTS 399 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,560 Oh, no. We'd better get out of here. Why? 400 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,720 Because sometimes when people leave houses here, 401 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,560 they burn the old ones down. 402 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,920 Head for the emergency exit! 403 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,280 Where's the emergency...? Oh, it's the hole in the roof, 404 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,560 isn't it? Ooh! Oh. Hold that! 405 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,960 Right. After me, I'm your guest. 406 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:53,600 Welcome to A Place In History, where I find dream properties 407 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:57,320 from the past for people from now. 408 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,240 This week, it's Fiona and Michael. 409 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,600 They're two teachers from Swindon, 410 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,160 and they're looking for a simpler life. 411 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,600 Well, it doesn't get much simpler than this. 412 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,880 RECORD SCRATCH An Iron Age roundhouse. 413 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,520 So, guys, first impressions? 414 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,880 It's traditional. It's detached. 415 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,280 Is it made from sustainable materials? 416 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:23,520 Yes! It's made from wattle and daub, which is basically mud, straw 417 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,600 and cow poo. COW MOOS 418 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,920 Did he just say...? Let's go inside. 419 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,040 Ow! Oh! 420 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:35,880 As you can see, this Iron Age roundhouse has been equipped 421 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,040 with a low front doorway. 422 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,600 Yeah, no, I got that. 423 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,920 So, is this the hall? This is the dining room. 424 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,040 Can we see the kitchen? Right this way. 425 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,320 So this is the kitchen as well? 426 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,840 Yes, this is the kitchen-diner, 427 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,000 great for entertaining! 428 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,480 Right. Bedroom? 429 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,520 You're standing in it! 430 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:58,880 What are the neighbours like? 431 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,880 They're pigs! Oh, no, not very tolerant or...? 432 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:06,120 No, they're literally pigs, and there are cows on the other side. 433 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,000 And when it's cold, they all come inside for warmth. 434 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,320 Does it have central heating? 435 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:13,520 Yes, it's located in the middle of the house. 436 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,320 It doesn't get more central than that! 437 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,960 Gas? Only when the cows come inside. 438 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,040 Please don't tell me that this is the toilet, too. 439 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,000 Oh, no! It has an outside toilet. 440 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,480 By which I mean, you have to go to the toilet outside, 441 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,280 anywhere you like. I'm sorry, what? 442 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,800 Don't worry! You'll never smell it over the pong of the midden. 443 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,120 That's the big pile of village rubbish that this property has 444 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,240 unusually close access to. 445 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,320 Ow! Oh, my head! 446 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,360 Watch out for the low-hanging doorway. 447 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:43,960 Yeah, that was a bit late for that. 448 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,400 SQUELCH! Oh, I've slipped in the midden! 449 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:50,880 It seems like this Iron Age roundhouse was a bit too traditional 450 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,720 for this week's home-hunters. 451 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,080 Oh, it's in my nostril! 452 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:58,440 Next week, Hattie and Steve are looking for a quiet home in York. 453 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,000 SCREAMING 454 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,200 No-one mention the noisy neighbours! 455 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,800 Aaarghh! 456 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,800 Here on A Place In History. 457 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,680 Often, people like to do a bit of home improvement by decorating 458 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,400 where they live or even making it bigger. 459 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,040 Mind you, there have been times in the past when home improvements 460 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,800 weren't "improvements" at all. 461 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,360 They actually made things quite dangerous. 462 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:24,640 Ooh! 463 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,760 And this is the new sitting room. 464 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,640 LADY GASPS Wonderful wallpaper. 465 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,440 It's so...green. 466 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,000 Is it Scheele's Green? 467 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,880 We have it in our bedroom, it's all the rage. 468 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,800 Yes, the only thing greener than the wallpaper 469 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,120 is our neighbour's envy. 470 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,160 THEY LAUGH 471 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,240 THEIR STOMACHS GROWL 472 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,080 I wanted Scheele's Green in the library, 473 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,000 but Hans read in one of his German newspapers 474 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,640 that it contains arsenic. 475 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,920 So? Well, it can make you ill and give you a dodgy tummy. 476 00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,200 Nonsense! 477 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,520 If arsenic was poisonous, 478 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,160 would dear Dr Appleby have Scheele's Green wallpaper 479 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,560 throughout his house? 480 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,240 Oh, yes, how is the young doctor? 481 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,920 Died, last week. So sad. 482 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,600 Lucky I won't be needing him, I've never felt bett... 483 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,680 STOMACH GROWLS Prrrp! 484 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,880 Sorry, I'll just pop to the chamber pot. 485 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,040 STOMACH GROWLS, FARTING Oh! 486 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,760 FARTING CONTINUES It's coming out of me like soup! 487 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,960 FARTING Oh! Oh! 488 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,640 'Course, I do get a little queasy during the daytime, but 489 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,960 SCREAMING AND PLOPPING then once I retire to my bedroom, 490 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,440 I'm absolutely fine. 491 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:31,880 Strange. 492 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,240 I feel absolutely fine in my sitting room all day, 493 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,240 and a little peculiar when I retire to the bedroom. 494 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:38,760 Excuse me. 495 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,200 LOUD VOMITING 496 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,680 Hmm, wait! 497 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,360 Georgiana feels unwell when she's in her sitting room 498 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:51,720 and Emma feels unwell when she's in her bedroom, 499 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,800 and those are the rooms with the Scheele's Green wallpaper. 500 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:59,720 You know, I'm beginning to think I might know why we're feeling ill. 501 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,360 Yes? Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Yes? 502 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:05,240 We pass through slums on our way here. 503 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,640 We all know how nasty smells can make one ill. 504 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,680 Yes, of course, the slums! 505 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:14,360 Well, at least we knew it's nice and clean in here. 506 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,840 RETCHING AND VOMITING 507 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,200 LOUD FARTING It really is lovely wallpaper. 508 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,400 the living toilet who ran 509 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,160 bucket over who can 510 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,320 511 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,440 to hide your face 512 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,040 513 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,280 514 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,360 a two or one 515 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,000 516 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:46,400 Please welcome today's historical figure who really needs the loo... 517 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,480 ..it's Louis XV! 518 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,520 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 519 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,880 Damn then! 520 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,680 Greetings, friend. 521 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,120 Louis XV, King of France, 522 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:02,680 do you have a baguette knocking on the back door of the bakery? 523 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,760 LAUGHTER Well, yes. 524 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,120 In which case, it's time for... 525 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,040 ..Plop Quiz! 526 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 527 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,000 Now, answer questions one and two, and I'll let you do a... 528 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,800 AUDIENCE: Poo! 529 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,960 Listen, monsieur, during my reign, I had four flushing toilets 530 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,160 installed in my palace at Versailles. 531 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,840 Is that why they call you LOO-EY, then? 532 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,880 LAUGHTER Is that your first question? 533 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,520 No, Just a bit of fun. 534 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,880 Question one, did your palace at Versailles have any other 535 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,880 cutting-edge technology other than flushing grunt cupboards? 536 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,320 Yes, I had the world's first elevator installed. 537 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,560 It took people from my apartment to 538 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:43,120 the apartment of my girlfriend, Madame Pompadour. 539 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:46,080 STOMACH GROWLS We called it a flying chair. 540 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,520 Sounds like something else is going to fly across the room 541 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,560 if we don't get a move on. LAUGHTER 542 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,360 Question number two. What did you do for the toilet 543 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:54,920 before you had the four loos? 544 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,360 Well, before I revolutionised le pooping of the French 545 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:02,840 aristocracy, people just used to squat and poop on the floor. 546 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,720 Oh, in fact, I can wait no longer. 547 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,240 That's exactly what I'm about to do. 548 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,120 No, no, no, you can't... PFFFRRRT! 549 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,480 That is very unsanitary. 550 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:17,920 Well, I do not care, you smelly little man! 551 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,560 SQUELCH! You just put your foot in it, mate. 552 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,360 Oh, really? And how exactly did I do that? 553 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,040 You put your foot in it. LAUGHTER 554 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,120 Oh, no! Oh! 555 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:31,720 Join me next time, when I'll be delaying more historical celebrities 556 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,280 from having a poo, to ask them questions just for you. 557 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 558 00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:43,280 The final stop is a room some people call 559 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,000 the heart of the home, the kitchen. 560 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,320 I just say it's where the tasty snacks are, from the fresh food 561 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,800 inside the fridge to the not-so-fresh food that's been stuck 562 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,480 under it for two years. 563 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,520 Ooh, I'm making myself hungry. 564 00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,160 I think I'll have a takeout later. 565 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,480 Yeah, I'll take something out of the bin. 566 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,520 He-he-he! Mind you, kitchens haven't always had bins and fridges, 567 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,080 they've changed a lot over the years. 568 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:09,640 Right, who's hungry? 569 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,960 I think I saw half a sandwich stuck down the back of a radiator earlier. 570 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,960 God, I love a toastie. SMACKS LIPS 571 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,440 Mmm! Something smells good! 572 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,960 Wow! 573 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,000 MUSIC: TO THE TUNE OF LIVING IN AMERICA 574 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,360 575 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:27,280 576 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,200 577 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,200 578 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,480 579 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,640 580 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:39,920 581 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,680 DING 582 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,040 583 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,200 584 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,440 585 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,240 586 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:58,680 587 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,800 588 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,400 589 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,440 590 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,800 are what we use 591 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,720 592 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,440 snooze 593 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,560 DING 594 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,480 595 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,560 596 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,400 597 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,560 598 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,160 599 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,960 600 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,440 601 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,120 602 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,360 603 00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:47,800 604 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,960 605 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,200 606 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,280 Hey, should I take it to the fridge? 607 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,520 Take it to the fridge. 608 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,760 To my brand-new fridge, and do like my washing machine? Oh! 609 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,760 610 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,680 611 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:07,040 612 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,480 Mm-hm. 613 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,480 614 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,440 615 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,280 Woo! 616 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,000 617 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,120 618 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:22,800 house 619 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,360 620 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,040 621 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,120 622 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,040 623 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,320 Ooh! 624 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,560 This all seems like a lot of effort, to be honest. 625 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:40,040 626 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,520 Oh, and don't forget to take out the trash. 627 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,640 Papa's got a black bin bag. 628 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,560 It's a disgusting practice. Eee! 629 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,000 I found a... CREW LAUGH 630 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,160 I've never felt better. Oh! STOMACH GROWLS 631 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,920 FARTING, CREW LAUGH 632 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,240 633 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,840 634 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,680